creature of darkness

Puerto Galera... where I'd rather be

2006-09-21T16:57:00.000+08:00

Oh how I'd love to come back...

We headed there right after our Saturday shift; me and my friends/officemates from Convergys. There were 7 of us: me, Mikee, Frances Beyer, Rica, Mylene, Eula, and Val. We were sleepy and hungry but everyone was still bursting with energy because of the excitement of the trip ahead.

We rode a bus to get to the Port where we were supposed to board a barge to White Beach, Puerto Galera. It was raining on the way there so we got a little nervous but that didn't stop us from going to the best place I've ever been to so far...

Blogthingies...

2006-07-01T03:03:00.000+08:00

You Should Visit Argentina

Cowboys, European food, beaches, and skiing. This country is like no other!
Learn to tango, hike across Patagonia, eat at fine restaurants... you'll never be bored.

What Latin American Country Should You Visit?

You are 73% Pisces

How Pisces Are You?

You Should Be a Painter

You have the vision, patience, and skill to bring your unique visions to canvas.
And you're even tempered enough not to cut your ear off in the process!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational.
You are also giving and kind - a great friend.
You are easy going and trusting.
However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

wet in blue

2005-10-28T02:36:00.000+08:00

yesterday was call center interview day

sked was 4pm 24th floor of a building in ortigas

left the house 3:10

was wearing 2inch hills

was raining hard

was so damn uncomfortable

rode lrt to cubao, mrt to ortigas

got lost in ortigas

got so wet

was 20 minutes late

met a couple of new friends (call center buddies), will meet them again later

guessed my interviewer was tired so i just asked her to resked my interview

said it was my fault anyways for being late

waited an hour for nothing

got 2 interviews tomorrow

shines gonna come along

hope we pass

thank God we're beautiful

hahaha

2005-09-24T04:26:00.000+08:00

at intramuros in manila. i was wearing the 'boxer' outfit. hehehe

and so it is...

2005-09-18T03:17:00.000+08:00

Artist: Damien Rice
Title: The Blower's Daughter
Album: O

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

the clock is ticking

2005-08-29T02:40:00.000+08:00

another sleepless night...

yesterday sucked all the fun from today. its not a good feeling when you wake up wanting to kill yourself. which is real which isn't. why is life such a torture?

anyhow, I make do with the help of my pc and the internet. the most fun of going online is when I check my offline messages in ym. the messages I receive influence my mood. after that, I check my e-mail, then, I check my 2 web log accounts, next is the vampire game I’ve been playing since April.

I talked to Marvin just a while ago. our conversations usually start with his latest kilig story about kin or yoshi and his other adventures in Japan. We talked about life, our dreams, all those shit that make me puke. he told me to visit the sex and the city quotation's page coz it might cheer me up. I found this quote:

Carrie: Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone -- just as wild -- to run with.

I like this a lot. I don’t know if this quote reflects my view on relationships or on finding a partner but it sure touched me.

Here’s another one:

Carrie: Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you are to become who you will be.

Maybe I should…. Don’t you think? Hehehe.

It’s so fucking hard to write when your thoughts are scattered all over the place.

Carrie: When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun, then you grow up and learn to be cautious; you could break a bone, or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there is no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

It started being scary just now. this is the kind of thing sunshine and i talk about in the phone for hours.

well kids, that's all the crap i can come up with today. i have to go to bed now. why do i find snoop dogg sexy?

my lss at the moment... stonefree rocks!

2005-08-17T02:53:00.000+08:00

Sayang
by Stonefree
album:
Tulay ng salitang di matawid.
Panghihinayang sa di mapahiwatig.

Kung lilisan ka na, sinong papalit sa iyo?
Sayang, sayang, sayang

Pag-isipan muna, baka mapag-usapan.
Sabi mo nga dumarating lang ‘to minsan
Ngayon umaayaw ka na…

Kung lilipas ka na, sinong papalit sa iyo?
Sayang, sayang, sayang

Hangang bukas na lang,
Hangang bukas na lang… ang langit.

(Instrumental)

Kung lilisan ka na, sinong papalit sa iyo?
Sayang, sayang, sayang

Wag lang itapon limang taong samahan.
Gagawin ang lahat, mapabalik ka lang.

i love this song...

2005-08-15T02:32:00.000+08:00

MARIAH CAREY LYRICS

"We Belong Together"

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I couldn't have fathomed that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

'Cause I didn't know you
'Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't
Hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, 'cause baby

[Chorus:]
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please, 'cause
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me
'If you think you're lonely now'
Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby

[Chorus]

[Repeat chorus]
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please, 'cause
We belong together
Who am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

one of those nights again...

2005-08-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

Diagnosis:

A person with a borderline personality disorder often experiences a repetitive pattern of disorganization and instability in self-image, mood, behavior and close personal relationships. This can cause significant distress or impairment in friendships and work. A person with this disorder can often be bright and intelligent, and appear warm, friendly and competent. They sometimes can maintain this appearance for a number of years until their defense structure crumbles, usually around a stressful situation like the breakup of a romantic relationship or the death of a parent.

Symptoms:

Relationships with others are intense but stormy and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections. The person may manipulate others and often has difficulty with trusting others. There is also emotional instability with marked and frequent shifts to an empty lonely depression or to irritability and anxiety. There may be unpredictable and impulsive behavior which might include excessive spending, promiscuity, gambling, drug or alcohol abuse, shoplifting, overeating or physically self-damaging actions such as suicide gestures. The person may show inappropriate and intense anger or rage with temper tantrums, constant brooding and resentment, feelings of deprivation, and a loss of control or fear of loss of control over angry feelings. There are also identity disturbances with confusion and uncertainty about self-identity, sexuality, life goals and values, career choices, friendships. There is a deep-seated feeling that one is flawed, defective, damaged or bad in some way, with a tendency to go to extremes in thinking, feeling or behavior. Under extreme stress or in severe cases there can be brief psychotic episodes with loss of contact with reality or bizarre behavior or symptoms. Even in less severe instances, there is often significant disruption of relationships and work performance. The depression which accompanies this disorder can cause much suffering and can lead to serious suicide attempts.

Treatment:

Treatment includes psychotherapy which allows the patient to talk about both present difficulties and past experiences in the presence of an empathetic, accepting and non-judgemental therapist. The therapy needs to be structured, consistent and regular, with the patient encouraged to talk about his or her feelings rather than to discharge them in his or her usual self-defeating ways. Sometimes medications such as antidepressants, lithium carbonate, or antipsychotic medication are useful for certain patients or during certain times in the treatment of individual patients. Treatment of any alcohol or drug abuse problems is often mandatory if the therapy is to be able to continue. Brief hospitalization may sometimes be necessary during acutely stressful episodes or if suicide or other self-destructive behavior threatens to erupt. Hospitalization may provide a a temporary removal from external stress. Outpatient treatment is usually difficult and long-term - sometimes over a number of years. The goals of treatment could include increased self-awareness with greater impulse control and increased stability of relationships. A positive result would be in one's increased tolerance of anxiety. Therapy should help to alleviate psychotic or mood-disturbance symptoms and generally integrate the whole personality. With this increased awareness and capacity for self-observation and introspection, it is hoped the patient will be able to change the rigid patterns tragically set earlier in life and prevent the pattern from repeating itself in the next generational cycle.

survey freak...

2005-08-12T02:11:00.000+08:00

Your dating personality profile:

Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.

Your date match profile:

Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.
Outgoing - Shy and timid people are not who you are after. You need someone with a vibrant personality to breathe life into a relationship.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Big-Hearted
2. Liberal
3. Practical
4. Adventurous
5. Athletic
6. Shy
7. Traditional
8. Sensual
9. Romantic
10. Religious

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Big-Hearted
2. Conservative
3. Outgoing
4. Practical
5. Adventurous
6. Traditional
7. Athletic
8. Sensual
9. Romantic
10. Religious

im crazy

2005-08-10T02:50:00.000+08:00

Disorder Rating

Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mvURL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.htmlBorderline Personality Disorder

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Quick Summary:
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing injury to their own body. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. Borderlines think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder:
Self-injury or attempted suicide
Strong feelings of anger, anxiety, or depression that last for several hours
Impulsive behavior
Drug or alcohol abuse
Feelings of low self-worth
Unstable relationships with friends, family, and boyfriends/girlfriends

Additional Information:
Borderline personality disorder was so-named because it was originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis. The disorder is relatively common, affecting 2% of adults. Women are much more likely to suffer borderline than men. Nearly 20% of psychiatric hospitalizations are due to borderline. With treatment, patients are often able to see their symptoms improve.Treatment involves therapy in which the patient learns to talk through his or her feelings rather than unleashing them in destructive and self-defeating ways. Medication may be helpful, and treatment of any alcohol or substance abuse issues is required. Brief hospitalization is sometimes required, especially in cases involving psychotic episodes or suicide threats or attempts.

wala lang...

2005-08-05T02:36:00.000+08:00

im just exercising free writing till i can make something out of nothing.

my thoughts are very unclear. blank. shit. i dont know what to say.

this week has been very tiring. im tired. i think i should sleep na.

walang kwenta.

state of confusion

2005-07-25T02:53:00.000+08:00

little by little, i am learning to embrace life as it is. no more nights of agony and despair, of dark thoughts and tears. still, i feel as lonely as before. here i am, waiting for that someone adorable enough to make me forget my existence. words have left me...

southwest monsoon chills

2005-06-27T00:55:00.000+08:00

The Spot by: morgana

you're there, i'm here
while you feel warm, i feel cold
the sun has left me to the rains
with the memories of nights
that seemed endless

nights lost to the trees and the leaves
wet with dew
while i walk
my arms around myself

it's so sad
to look out the tear-stained window
and see a dark blue sky
while you look at the bright sun

it's not fair
that when you burn, i shiver
we cant even close our eyes at the same time

but still im waiting
to hear unspoken words
to feel your existence
while i quiver in the corner
where our worlds meet

Dedication:To my brown-eyed cherub, waiting has never felt so right...

http://www.dedications.com/poetrydetails.asp?poemid=2060

I'm tired of waiting...

2005-06-19T13:03:00.000+08:00

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to knowone thing.

You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour, I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

I feel this song right now...

2005-06-10T00:58:00.000+08:00

Here Without You by Three Doors Down

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separateT
hey disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
it get hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
but tonight girl it's only you and me